Well it is June 14 today. Jackson has been with us a little more than two weeks, and HOLY CRAP am I tired. Still, as hard as it has been to transition from being just me and Sam to the three of us, it has been the most wonderfully blessed thing I have ever done. To think that last September we were looking at a faint pink line that represented our new baby, and now we have this perfect little boy in our world, is pretty overwhelming and amazing.
A lot of people have asked to hear about my birth story. I love hearing other people's as well. So I'm going to sit and write it all out, and someday will probably be glad that I took the time to remember the details.
My due date was May 25. On the morning of May 24, after spending all early morning at the hospital in false labor, I had my 40 week appointment. We set up my induction for Thursday morning, May 27. As much as I didn't want to be induced, I really couldn't let my body wait much longer. First of all, I was just DONE with being pregnant and was so very ready to have the baby, but second, Demi and my mom were leaving first thing on Monday morning for Demi's Air Force Academy, and I did not want them to miss anything. My dr. stripped my membranes in hopes that it would get labor started. No dice.
We got to the hospital at 6:30 am sharp on Thursday morning. I still hadn't made ANY more progress. I was stuck at 1 cm, my cervix was "pretty soft" but my cervix was still high. I was immediately hooked up to my antibiotics (since I was GBS positive). Around 8:30 am they started the pitocin. My nurse Mary told me, "Here is how it's going to work today....I'm going to put you in to pain, then I'm going to take you out of it, then we'll have a baby!" She was the best. So once the pitocin was hooked up we basically just waited. Every 30 minutes she came in to increase the dosage and ask how my pain level was. I really wasn't feeling much at all. Of course, I'm sitting there thinking how easy it all was and "wow I must have a really high pain tolerance." I was slowly but surely progressing, so once I hit 2 cm, they broke my water. That's also when they broke my spirit...haha. As soon as that happened, the contractions were insanely painful and were literally right on top of one another. I just laid there in the bed looking at Sam crying thru each one. He sat next to me and held my hands and wiped my tears. I was squeezing his hands so hard and at one point he told me I could bite his hand if I needed to. Well, I did, and apparently it was a tad too hard. He never told me until after it was all over, but he said I made him want to cry I was biting him so hard. I know there was a moment where I was in the middle of a contraction and I told Sam, "I can't do this. I just can't." I was so done.
Mary came in and asked if I was ready for the epidural. I told her I felt like a baby because I was only dilated at 2, so wasn't it too early? She said it would take about 30-45 minutes for the anesthesiologist to get there with the drugs, and then said, "Are you sure you still don't want it yet?" My response: "NOW! Yes, I want it now." Sam said I growled it at her...haha. Luckily, she was super cool and totally understood my demanding temperament :)
When it was time for the epidural, it was really difficult to sit up and bed and stay still so she could administer the drugs. I was in so much pain and was just concentrating on not losing my cool. I sat there and held on to Sam while he encouraged me and kept telling me I was doing great. The pinch of the needle in my back was not bad at all. Totally as described...like a bee sting. I could feel the medicine go into my back a bit. It's hard to describe, but to me it felt almost like funny bone pain, but in my back. Once the epidural was done, I laid back down and almost instantly felt relief. After about 10 minutes though, the right side of my body was starting to feel pain. Not only in my stomach, but really bad in my back. I told Mary and she kept flipping me from one side to the other to distribute the meds. Still didn't work, and I was starting to feel panicked that the pain was going to be unbearable again. She called the anesthesiologist back up and she re-administered more drugs and did some other stuff. That finally fixed it. Hallelujah! I was feeling soooo much better.
As soon as all that was done, Mary checked me and I was at 5 cm. This was about 2:00 pm. She told me that the rule of thumb is about 1 cm per hour, so we should plan on delivering some time around 6 or 7. I was so hopeful that I would deliver by 7, when Mary's shift was over, because I absolutely loved her and didn't want to have a new nurse there. At that point, my mom and dad were also at the hospital so we were all in "hang out "mode. I was planning on trying to get some sleep before the big event. I called Demi, who was planning on being in the delivery room, and told her that she could start heading down to the hospital (it's an hour away in Clearwater), but she didn't need to rush down because nothing would happen THAT quickly. I was totally wrong!
Probably about an hour later, Mary checked me and said, "You are ready to push!" I totally thought she was kidding so my response was, "Yeah wouldn't that be nice?" And she told me she was dead serious. I could not believe how quickly I went from 5 cm to 10 cm. She told me she would let me labor down for a while, and that we would probably plan on delivering around 4:45 pm. She called my OB to confirm and left us alone for a while. At about 3:30 pm she came in again and checked me and said, "Ok it really is time to push. The baby is RIGHT THERE. And he has long hair...I just pulled on it." See...told you she was awesome! She had the other nurses page my OB to let her know it was go time. From there, everything happened very very quickly. I started pushing and it was so bizarre because I literally could not feel anything. Mary told me I was doing everything right, so I just believed her and kept focusing on "thinking" of what it would feel like to push, since I couldn't actually feel a thing.
The delivery was a heck of a lot easier than I thought it would be. I only pushed for an hour. In between contractions, I would just close my eyes, take deep breaths, and take sips of water that my mom was giving me. We were all very mellow and were chatting in between. As we got closer to actually delivering Jackson, Mary had to continually page to get my doctor in there because it was all happening so fast. Sam was incredibly supportive. I just focused on his voice and his face. He kept telling me everything was great and I was doing awesome. For some reason, listening to his words of encouragement helped me more than hearing it from my nurse and doctor. At 4:24 pm Jackson was born. The second he was out I just started bawling. As soon as I laid eyes on him the emotions just hit me. It was unreal. They placed him on my chest and I just stared at him and cried. He grabbed onto my finger almost instantly and just laid there. I think that was the best moment of my life so far.
The recovery was actually a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. I was so nervous about labor and delivery that I never even gave a thought to what the "after" part would feel like. It did not feel good. That is all I will say about that! But I am doing much better now, and luckily all that stuff kind of just seems like a bad dream.
We were supposed to leave the hospital on Saturday late afternoon. That morning, after a very long night with the baby, Sam and I were both super exhausted. I had fed him and sent him off to the nursery so we could get some sleep before heading home. Right after I dozed off, the NICU nurse practitioner came in and woke me up. She told me that during one of the routine vital sign tests that morning, Jackson's resting heart rate was at 60 beats per minute. Normal is 120-160. They took him directly to NICU. The NICU pediatrician and my nurse were also in there, all explaining various scenarios. Sam woke up sometime during that conversation and we just sat and listened. I literally felt like the world was crumbling around me. The flood of emotion and panic I felt was really insane. I just cried and cried after they told me he was taken to NICU, of course thinking the worst possible things about his health.
We were able to go down to NICU a few hours later to see him and he was all hooked up to his halter monitor and just laying there in his little bed. I tried to nurse him and he would not eat. Kim, our wonderful NICU nurse, did everything she could to help me get him to eat - we even tried formula for the first time - and he would not take anything. She tested his glucose levels and they were very low, so he needed to eat - NOW. She had to give him a feeding tube, and Sam and I just held him as she got the tube down his nose. As she did it I cried my eyes out. It was incredibly difficult to see my tiny baby go thru such discomfort. But it was also reassuring to know that he was getting the nutrients he desperately needed. I was in a total fog that day. I was sleep-deprived, had crazy hormones, and a broken heart from what was going on. Sam and I went down to the cafeteria to eat lunch (I wanted to curl up in a ball on the bed and cry while Sam got me food, but lucky for me, he wouldn't let me do it) and I cried as I walked thru the salad bar line. I think people thought I was crazy. My parents came down in the afternoon and took us out to dinner while Jackson was sleeping. It was nice to get out of the hospital and try to think of something else. Besides, I think I was out of tears. We spent the whole night and next day basically napping when he was asleep, and then the nurses would call our room to let us know when he was up so I could feed him. It was overwhelming and exhausting. Luckily, NICU was slow and we had a great nurse who made everything easier on us. During his stay in NICU, Jackson had an echocardiogram, and EKG, and was hooked up to a 24-hour test that monitored his heart rate.
As it turns out, the echo showed that the opening between the two upper chambers of the heart that all babies have is still open. This opening usually closes when the baby takes the first big breath of oxygen. Apparently, it closes like a curtain. For some babies, it closes later or never closes at all. That actually had nothing to do with his heart rate issue, but we were given this info basically as an FYI. After all the testing, everything looked normal. The bottom line is really just that Jackson's heart was a bit slower to adjusting to life outside the womb. Like our nurse explained, the placenta did all the work for 10 months, and now his lungs and heart need to kick in and take over, and for whatever reason, they were just moving a bit slower. We were so relieved to hear that everything was ok and that we could take Jackson home on Sunday night. It was a huge relief and we were so thankful that our desperate prayers were answered.
Now that we are home, Jackson is doing great. Keeping us up at night and causing us to look and feel like zombies, but still doing great ;) We go to the cardiologist in a few weeks to follow up and make sure his heart is still doing well. I feel really good about it. He has been eating great. He gained almost a full pound in the one week between his first and second pediatricians appointment. She told me my breast milk must be like cream and that it was perfect! I told Sam that it's funny how life changes, because having my breast milk complimented literally was the highlight of my week!!
If you made it thru this whole thing, thanks for reading!! We are so thankful to have Jackson in our lives and we feel incredibly blessed that he is thriving. As soon as we catch up on sleep, I'm sure we will love this experience even more :)
Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers (especially when Jackson was in NICU). As always, they worked!!
xoxo
~Deri, Sam, and Jackson
Now that I've had some time to settle into this "motherhood" thing, I can take a few moments and reflect back on what life was like. It was hell...haha. No, in all seriousness, having Jackson has been the most wonderful thing I have ever done, but man it is hard work. I definitely wasn't prepared for how incredibly demanding it is...and this is with having the support of an amazing husband and a great family who helps out a lot. Those first few weeks were literally just survival mode. Jackson ate non-stop and had his days and nights mixed up. Sam and I would wake up together those first few nights and both be falling asleep as Jackson leisurely drank his milk. It was awful. I honestly could not fathom why anyone in their right mind would have more than one child! But now, I get it. I totally get it. Having a child is the coolest experience, and I look forward to the hell all over again with baby #2, just not anytime soon :)
Jackson is now 10 weeks old, and he is truly the easiest baby ever. He hardly cries, eats like a champ, and is generally just so joyful. He is pretty much sleeping thru the night now...he goes down for the night anywhere between 10-11 pm and sleeps soundly until 4 am, at which point he kind of just grunts and fusses on and off for a while. I usually spend that time replacing his paci in his mouth, which always falls out because he's a lazy sucker. Most of the time I just pick him up out of his co-sleeper and let him sleep with me. He then usually sleeps pretty well until about 7:15 am. When he wakes up, the first thing he does is smile at the fan....and then at me :) I love it. The kid wakes up smiling every single time. It's the best!
Sam and I are both really enjoying our time with him...he's really developing his little personality and we really can't wait to watch him grow up and be a funny little guy.
Maverick still couldn't really care less about Jackson. He is pretty indifferent about his presence. But it is definitely bothering Maverick that we are now treating him like a normal dog, instead of the spoiled little prince he once used to be. We have a new little prince that demands our time, and I know that adjustment has been fairly tough for Mav. But he's still sweet. In fact, here are my two guys napping away while I type this!
And here is a video of Jackson after waking up from his nap earlier. He was a chatty little thing and was smiling away, so I tried to capture some of that. Then he promptly went back to sleep. See? Told you he was easy!!
